“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” — Epicurus (via kari-shma)
(via prettypinkshoes)
(via gatekeeper)
Mark Kinsley’s killer fold-out shelving wall - Core77
Michael: Jim, you’re 6’11 and you weigh 90 pounds. Gumby has a better body than you. Boom, roasted. Dwight, you’re a kiss-ass. Boom, roasted. Pam, you failed art school. Boom, roasted. Meredith, you’ve slept with so many guys you’re starting to look like one. Boom, roasted. Kevin, I can’t decide between a fat joke or a dumb joke. Boom, roasted. Creed, your teeth called, your breath stinks. Boom, roasted. Angela, where’s Angela? Whoa, there you are. I didn’t see you there behind that grain of rice. Boom, roasted. Stanley, you crush your wife during sex and your heart sucks. Boom, roasted. Oscar, you’re gay. Boom, roasted. Andy, Cornell called, they think you suck. And you’re gayer than Oscar. Boom, roasted.
Jenn sporting a chic hat at the local Goodwill.
Whoa!
Via
1. Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit.
2. Roll down your windows and blast talk radio. Attempt to headbang.
3. At stop lights, eye the person in the next car suspiciously. With a look of fear, lock your doors.
4. Two words: Chicken suit.
5. Write the words “Help me” on your back window in red paint. The more it looks like blood, the better.
6. Have conversations, looking periodically at the passenger seat, when driving alone.
7. Laugh a lot. A whole lot.
8. Stop at the green lights.
9. Go at the red ones.
10. Occasionally wave a stuffed animal/troll doll/Barbie out your window or sunroof. Feel free to make it dance.
11. Eat food that requires silverware.
12. Pass cars, then drive very slowly.
13. Sing without having the radio on.
14. Honk frequently without motivation.
15. Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.
16. Ask people for Grey Poupon.
17. Let pedestrians know who’s boss.
18. Look behind you frequently, with a very paranoid look.
19. Restart your car at every stop light.
20. Hang numerous car-fresheners in the rear-view mirror. Talk to them, stroking them lovingly.
21. Lob burning things in the windows of smokers who throw their butts out the window.
22. Keep at least five cats in the car.
23. Root (cheer, not snuffle in the mud) for firetrucks.
27. Stop and collect roadkill.
28. Stop and pray to roadkill.
29. Throw Spam.
30. Get in the fast lane and gradually … slow … down … to a stop. then get out and watch the cars. Throw Spam at them.
31. Chinese Firedrill. Get at least 2 people in a car (the more the better) when the light turns red everyone get out and run around the car and yell “fire, fire!” Then get back in the car but switch drivers. Then drive off when the light turns green and act like nothing happened. (Called Chinese Fire Drill because China is so crowded that there is no place to run in a fire. So you have to get back in.)
Today, I was driving to work when a state trooper rammed into my car from behind, because he was on the cell phone and not paying attention. He gave me a ticket for “Failure to control speed to avoid a crash.” FML